Rewriting Our Narratives: Tactics to Challenge Negative Assumptions
Rewriting Our Narratives: Tactics to Challenge Negative Assumptions
Takeaways from the Moms First Summit: Part 3
Hello, and welcome new subscribers! I’m so happy to have you here. Today I’m sharing another post in my series of takeaways from the recent Moms First Summit.
Strategies for Overcoming Self-Doubt (in the form of Perceived Criticism)
The high-achieving astronaut Christina Koch, who set a record for the longest single spaceflight by a woman with a total of 328 days in space, shared her fear when facing the committee that assessed her readiness for a space mission.
For context, of the 250+ astronauts who have done spacewalks – any time an astronaut gets out of a vehicle while in space – only 16 have been women, and 6 of those have been moms. 👩🚀
Evidently, spacewalk training is one of the most difficult things you can do as an astronaut – imagine spending 6 straight hours underwater in a full spacesuit, to simulate performing tasks in the microgravity environment outside the International Space Station – while being monitored and evaluated the entire time.
Despite attempts at positive self-talk, Christina found herself continuing to make mistakes and failing to pass this test. Then she realized that she was actually fulfilling a stereotype that she perceived in the room (known as stereotype threat). She was telling herself that the committee was saying, “She’s never going to do this, why are we wasting our time on this 5’4” woman?” In her epiphany, she realized:
It’s not what I think about me, it’s what I think THEY think about me
She then changed her story of what the committee members were saying about her (almost with humor, it seemed) to sound more like, “She’s awesome. I don’t know what she just did there, but it seems like she really knows what she’s doing. I’m sure she has a good reason for that snarl on her face.” 😬
This new outlook was the key to shifting Christina’s approach to her work and laid a successful pathway to space. She stressed, however, that she would have never had that realization without repeatedly putting herself in situations that scared her, in order to flex those adaptive muscles:
Make uncomfortable the new comfortable
Another insight from Christina pertained to the compound effect of isolation on our circling thoughts. She talked about how she had been hesitant to discuss complex technical issues she was facing (say, with flying a supersonic jet!) with her non-engineering friends, creating both a perpetual cycle of doubt, and a sense of disconnect. Once she opened that door, she was floored by how valuable their perspectives were, and how much closer she felt to them.
This thread tied nicely to another panel with clinical psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy. She states:
Our feelings and thoughts don’t give us problems, it’s the stories we tell ourselves about those feelings and thoughts.
Dr. Becky described shame as a state of aloneness (e.g. people wouldn’t want to love me if they knew this about me), when discussing the unspoken shame of parenting. We all know that parents are up against a plethora of societal pressures when facing what many describe as the most important and challenging job in the world – without any training or being set up for success!
What if, as a parent, you were comfortable sharing with someone that you don’t feel the maternal instinct you’re told you should, or that you miss aspects of your life pre-kid(s)? Or for non-parents, any number of thoughts you may have that you fear you’ll be judged by?
Dr. Becky describes the antidote to the solitude of shame as connectedness, and urges us to find trusted people in which we can confide, normalize those thoughts, and thus change our stories.
Food for Thought 🍲
Some prompts to consider to help shift your narrative:
When have I made assumptions about how someone else perceives me?
How has that limited what I see as possible (for myself, for our relationship, for…)?
What else could I believe that feels more supportive?
How might I seek out honest feedback to get to the truth?
Who in my circle can I open up to and trust not to be judgmental?